story 11

At the age of fourteen, I met a guy. I didn't think the friendship would turn into anything more than what it was. But, only two weeks into knowing him, I found myself obsessing. He was perfect. He was so good looking, just my type, and incredibly funny. He always made me laugh, and one day when I was having a panic attack, he sat with me and made me feel better.

He soon became my boyfriend and for a week, he was the nicest person in the world. He even bragged about me to his friends. But, then his true colors began to show. He would tease me constantly. I knew he was joking, but deep down it actually hurt me. If I got mad at him for something, somehow he would make me feel guilty. Yet, I found myself completely in love with him.

This wasn't puppy love; it was full blown love. He said he felt the same way. He told me before I told him, but deep down I think I didn't believe him.

He continued being mean to me, but I could never be mad. I gave him my virginity and one month later we broke up. I felt as if maybe he had been lying to me the whole time. He never loved me. He liked toying with me. He just wanted to get in my pants. I was so angry. Yet, I couldn't stop loving him. For months, I couldn't stop thinking about him. I was having panic attacks when I saw him and having to leave school early.

By the end of the year, we were friends again. This summer he seems as if he's changed. He seems mature. He says he still loves me. But, then he stops calling.
I hate that I love him. All I want is to find someone else, but I find myself only wanting him.

And I hate it.